she was so not down for the gang bang
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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