Yo dont text me then not text me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
