Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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