My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
