so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
