I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
