Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
