I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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