we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
