That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
