If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
