she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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