if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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