he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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