I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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