Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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