I puked a lego.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
