At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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