i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
