Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
