OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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