And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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