I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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