I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
