I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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