1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think I died a long time ago.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
