I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
