I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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