oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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