Duck Duck Cougar?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
