do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
