i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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