can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
