Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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