I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
