Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
