R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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