there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
