I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
