So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize