He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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