Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
