Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
