i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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