K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
