We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
