ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
