he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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