Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
