i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
