Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
