I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
