I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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