meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
