He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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