mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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