Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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