So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You are the jesus of drinking
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
