R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
