I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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