Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
