I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
