Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
